be herself.self love.and alot of it.

First, I am not a baker. Like those home bakers. But still, I have been baking for quite sometimes. Trying many recipes.  I bake Chocolate Cake yesterday. And lately, my mind is on Swiss Meringue Buttercream. Like I have to give it a try, no matter what. Hence the "d-day" arrived. And I'm not enjoying it at all. My buttercream is grainy!!!! The granulated sugar just refused to dilute in the white eggs! They just being too stubborn, don't they? I almost melting just by keep on stirring and hoping my sugar will be dissolved. But they won't. The temperate should reach 160F/71c. But still, my sugar is still can be seen and touch. Deep in my heart I know, I failed. I sit down. Calm myself and start searching how to fix it. With sweat all over me. Crying inside. I found this kinda fix : Trying to reheat the whole batch or partially. By adding some fluid will help the sugar dissolved. But through this process, I think the problem is sugar itself. It has to really melt in...

I was attending my husband-get-together with his old friends last weekend. It was a simple barbeque night with drinks and kids running around, food and water spill all over. Shit happened. When the host shouting to their daughter and calling all the kids who had entered a bedroom. I was dazed because I never did that no matter how infuriated I was.  Must hold back. This is a gathering and everybody is here. Hallo, you are the one who invited us, remember? Why you start that awkward moment and maybe a moment of starting another brawl with your best friend a.k .a the other kid's parent? I object your act. And yes I am judging you now. Although it wasn't my children involved, I have this motherly feeling towards the kids. You shouted at them in the middle of the event, you are embarrassed them, scared them and you did not, at all respect them. I was once read, treat your children the same as you treat the adult. Oh my God, did you shout at the adult whos make ...

In relations of my entry here , i would like to continue with part two of this pungent topic. Upon posting my entry 4 years back, i received countless emails from mommies asking me who was i reffered too, because they can relate to this person, if it bound to be the same person. In my defence, i am sharing all the information for parent in my neighbourhood so that they could expect the unexpected. Not that i want to deprecate anybody. My aim here is to help parent in need. I (or we) have first time experience towards finding the right babysitter I believe. For me, it was toughest and frustration. I have to pull myself to survive. Finding the right babysitter is a nightmare for me, and ecspecially first time mom to endure this. It is a tiring process. and finally, when you find the babysitter, after a while she's not the one anymore hehe. truth hurt. So what to expect when you choose a particular babysitter? 1) You talk to her. Make time to talk a no sweat conve...

I started using serum way back like 9-10 years ago. My first serum was Eucerin Serum White Solution . It was from a whitening range.  The main reason I bought this was that I have some dark patch (or was it sunburn?). I don't even know what was it back then. While searching up and down with a lower budget, I found Eucerin serum. Which is, if I can remember vividly, was not really serum. It was quite runny (with a bit of rich texture) and white in color. But I strongly believe in my decision HAHAHA I finished 4 bottles of the serum and my dark patches on the cheek were gone. My skin type back then was oily and had mild acne (acne never stop hunting me up until today!! )😏😏 I had a long history of battling against acne and red skin. phew..those days guys!! Later in my younger life, I changed my whole set to Clinnelle . OH MY GOD! I love this brand. I was first introduced also by their serum, as long as I can recall, the light blue range.  And from time to...

In the mid of everyday chaos and routine, I try to do something else to distract my mind for a while. It can be reading, sewing or baking. I am still learning how to do patchwork. In baking, it needs extra miles for techniques and nothing but patience. Shopping can be too mind distracted if I can't afford 😂😂 So yesterday I was cleaning my fridge and my eyes glued to the shinning orange color inside. sadly all of them are sour. so when life gives you bad thing.. let's turn into good thing!! 1. cut into thinnest slice your knife could do 2. put all of them in the glass bottle 3. pour in honey (or brown sugar) and pinch of salt 4. keep in chill for hours remember to drench your lips with all the juice afterward! meanwhile.. I forgot to blog about my birthday last Sunday. I turn 34 years old this year. Such a blessing to live for 34 years. that's long. Thank you, Allah, for making me alive for 34 years old and counting. My happiness and a...

yesterday was quite chaotic domestically. first, Isa just slept, about 10 minutes when I picked him up from the playschool. It was 12.30 pm. he was a bit cranky when we arrived home, so I assumed he wants to sleep. so I put him to sleep until 40 minutes later he changed his mind.get up and ready to play. he was just tossing and drinking his milk in 40 minutes. His big brother, Ali was asleep. an hour later his brother woke up. around 2.30 pm. Isa started being cranky again. "Please be still and calm," I told myself. at least wait for another hour to make sure Isa IS REALLY SLEEPYYYY. but his crankiness is making me half insane. so at 3pm, where his whining was mounting and nothing could comfort him, I try to put him to lalaland again. Again, after 10 minutes he gets up and refused to sleep. OH MY GOD. I was crying inside. YOU want to SLEEP or NOT YOUNG MAN??? I lost all my energy to my 1.5 years baby. How am I going to deal with this little human mummies?? PATIENCE is of...

Hi readers and viewers(if this blog still has any..it feels so good to be back here after 6 months went on hiatus. thatssss longgggg. even it is already 15 days past since new year, still, I am here to make commotion of it. let's take a look at what 2018 brought me to: I was relocated to a new department. Wow. that was a very huge task for me that I still can't believe up until now  Attending my children first Sports Day!!!so excited don't know what to wear. But decided to wear All blue in support of Ali's team After many years contemplating to go to the Island (since Ali was a baby), Hubby and I decided to make this wish came true. So we went to Redang. Isa was nearly one year old and he kinda dislikes water, I think. for the first time ever, I started my small cake business I think a pet could be a good memory for kids, so I bought fish.it dead 3 months later. My breastfeeding journey was quite a success, at least for me. haha. I keep on pumping up until Isa 1 ...

drink, needless to say is complusory. so i renew my new year resolution to drink moreeee.like usually i sip 4 glasses of plain water..plus 2 cups of coffee or tea for breakfast or milk. but during ramadhan, i meticolously count my water intakes. because i dont want to be dehydrated.so i drink 2-3 glasses during sahur and another 4 glasses after berbuka.which is divided into 3-4 times. so by maths, 200ml x 6 = 1.2 liter. Plus another 2 glasses of coffee or milk. so my grand total is 1.6 liter.and i take alot of fruits (watermelon/apple/orange). and i feel good about myself.especially on my skin. after completed ramadhan, i dont watch my water intake like usual.and...i suddenly hv breakouts and extra tired .so im trying hard to re-stick to my old regime and hopefully it goes well. buttt....i always forget to drink water. whatssss wrong with me.so here is my plan: 1) 1 glass after waking up  2) 1 glass after reaching office. But i have problem. by th...

i am sensitive whenever my kids fell sick. especially my second born son.Compare to my eldest, he consumes breastmilk longer, so he'll be protected alot more right.at least to my thinking. unfortunately he is not. he was caught by a coughing bug at the tender age of 3 month. how heartbroken i was, can you imagine. now he's no where run from the coughing series. coughing followed by phlegm is another serious business. up until 11 month, on average , the series repeated once a month and lasted about 2 weeks. we went for treatment, but seeing his activeness level and other factors, doctors clarified as mild bronchilitis, it will get better as he aged. he even warded once because he experienced mild croup.  i read alot about this, besides asking the doctors' advise. here my share: 1. he was prescribe singulair for one month period. before that, he took the oral for a week or two only. but the doctor later stretch the time to see any improvement. i noticed...

Hello February i woke up with mix feeling everyday. After 6 yrs of my lead in finance and accounting, i finally been transferred to head a NEW department called Transformation. It for sure gonna be tough and tough but hopefully my 6 yrs journey abundant to begin with.So i am hand over all my past years pending works to my new assistant manager.(Hoping will be less questioning from her *roll eyes*) In the straight fight war, accounting has always win in my eyes. to recap, i don't even believe that i have been working with the same company for 6 yrs. At some point, i think i knew the feeling of people working in the same place for like 20 yrs.OMG.what a number!!!really salute that especially when you slowly build up your career from nothing to somebody crucial in the company. Thats Achievement!!!! nothing compared to that ( thats why i always looked up to the person background especially the successful ones, dreaming to have that in my perso...

i hit 33 last Saturday. celebrate with the love ones in the office Alhamdulillah for this long ages granted by Allah s.w.t.  i have been living for 33 yrs old guysss!!! terima kasih atas kurniaan umur yg panjang, badan yang sihat dan hidup yang lengkap. Tambahan doa ku lindungilah orang-orang yang ku sayang Ya Allah Ya Rahman, bimbing la kami ke jalan yang engkau redhai. Amin. Insyaallah.

it was very long after my previous post.tot i could share more things here but man i was wrong. so lets cut it short.nak share resepi what my baby eat from 6 month 1) Apple Puree. to make it even delicious, peel and steam for 15-20 minutes. and then blend. 2) As he grow fonder of food i, i add porride or potato into the apple puree. Same, please use steamer. In my lazy days, i use microwave. Cut the fruit or potato. Put in a microwave save bowl. add 1/4 of water. then put in for 3 minutes.it workkssss!! 3) Finger heinz biscuit. Never buy teething biscuit.it is super duper hard. My baby was so frustrated whenever i gave him this. 4) Oat Puree. i used steel oat, kurma and raisin. pour this 3 ingredients in a small bowl.Soak for about 2-3 hours. and then blend. 5) Fish porridge. I add in salmon (fillet is the best) or anchovies,spinach/broccoli and carrot, a lil bit of garlic and ginger and alittle bit of unsalted butter. Just to test their fragile stomach.becaref...

Being a parent is hard.no matter how many times you popped.and being a breastfeeding mother is another hard occupation for me hahaa.its takes out all your ideas,energy and times (and money too) who said is as easy as attached and detach baby from boobies?? It is a whole new thing for me.for my first born,i gave up direct latch very early as my nipples were badly injured.plus my episotomy pain.i just pumped out whatever left in boobies and feed him.back then i dont have resource to refer to.i dont know the existing of lactation consultant, the benefits of massaging my breast and nobody told me to hang in there like today's support group. So with my second born, i am trying to gather as much as info that i could,learning and asking questions, looking for tips and be a whole lot patience.and this around i have lesser pain for my epi.so im on in this breastfeed game. Breastfeed is different from one to another.for me it is quite difficult.i need all those kind of help. From massa...

Im not in the mood to work today..just not in the right mood as something happened to my son.and this momma getting sooo sooo unsatisfied and sad and angry and many more emotional issues. today is friday, where usually offer and discounts online keeps on popping up.but im not just into buying today.but i hope it is only today, as my list is veryyy long ;p So what happened to my little man?? he got bruises on his face, at the left cheek..and also like 4 to 5 scratches.also at the same cheek.OHHMMYYY thats breaking my heart.i cried when i first noticed them.and i have like thousands of question about it.Did he cry?did he got bullied? or did him fall? does it pain?why does the person so ruthless to my son? and i came to the (maybe) true story..this one 5 yr old girl was in defends of her baby sister when Daniyel try to pull her hair/try to do something. in my disbelief, D never do something like that as far as i know. I did not say my son is an angel boy but he has never ...

Issue no 1 my 3 year old son is currently and constantly at the pace of learning. From every single perspective that he could. it might be pleasure seeing your little man growing up and added the knowledges from zero. so this little man learning about sharing from his daycare. which is okay, that's GOOOODDDD BUT wait. He wrongly interprets it. Like last time he had one bottle of Vitagen and he asked around the house if anybody wanted to share. and on that time my house was full of family members. some of them were sick (cough/flu/fever) or some other ailment that not showed. although I knew he was in a good vibe.  was quite not pleased with his action by the way. yesterday was the funniest when he pulled my pillow when I'm about to lay. He said, "mama said we must share" (mama is his babysitter btw) I laugh to my lung hahahaaa.. yes, but we have allot of pillow here and there. so go and take one laa. haiyaaaa.. this concept of sharing is very new to him a...

heloooooo..im turning 32 today..i have been living for 32 years??? Alhamdulillah for everything i've had today..and i am praying to Allah to grant me a good health especially for my second pregnancy, healthy and happy babies,provide me with all the strength to go through this,  expanding my rezeki and to be with my whole family in Jannah.

my last update was September? its like 3 months ago??? thats looonggg.. so hi here i am with my 18 weeks of pregnancy.typing with my bloating ad gassy stomach. this second round is quite challenging for me. 1st i reallly have bad nausea and gassy stomach.i feel like wanna sleep whole morning and do nothing. but do nothing added the pain.so i think one of the most crucial part of handling the morning sickness is stand up straight and dont think about it. get ready,all dolled up and go and have your day. do your chores,work or activities.it will definitely doesnt shove it away, but it divert your thinking and focusing on something else. Yes you might felt down on your knee once a while,im not judging. whenever i heard pregnant friends really have to be in bed all day due to morning sickness, and on Medical leave,i feel like..oh thats cool. dont have to work.sorryyyy i really don't know sitting on the bed whole time doesn't eased the pain.Now i know. so the next hardes...

i have weeks by week full with migraines. it just soo damn repeated that i couldn't stand any more. so,did some research and reading again and again and must decide something to fixed myself(to be exact my head). trying to pantang with few types of food, but men it doesn't work at ALL T_T you migrainer know right. my type of migraine is constant and mild..only sometimes hiked up ( when the workload going up and never stop.at some point, i THINK i should quit my job HAHAHA) so i'll remember my best friend from Shaklee, Multivitamin Vita-Lea. i took this way back then when i was pregnant as i had low blood reading. its just worked amazing!!but couldn't remember if it had helped much with my headache during my gestation.hence i ordering it right away and trying it.now it has been almost 5 days. i noticed: 1) i have some few pain on the top of my head.but very little compared to previous week. 2) i can drink coffee,i mean half...

ramadhan has making long way leaving us..and syawal is following it too.life went soo fast huh? i still remember how i had to forced myself to pray terawikh and recite Al- Quran. let make peace, and feel the now ;p  such us our deep love? yeah my boy! that little man take up such a massive place in my life. He is currently VERY VERY activate. one time during the *bedtimes chatting , he said "mummy, i don't want to sleep." what do you mean son? it was past 10 pm and your were still energised?what you made of? could gimme some? *(and about the bedtime story..i never read to him..i know its sound bad but i do talk to him and doing some old jokes or at least sing his fave song) handling toddler like him take a lot of patience . like if you are now having 1000kg of patience, you have to find another 10000000 kg!! its like digging moreeee and moreee good vibes in you HAHA sometimes you just have to make peace with your inner self, that toddler are definitely a GOD s...

Expecting new post from me? Nah u geddit what you asking for..wasting your 5 minutes in your life ;p Woke up with the mild headache today which is not normal. i seldom have headache in the wee hours unless after hours spending time in traffic jams or mountain workload.not early in the morning.but when its come to Thursday morning it really not a big obstacles! hahaa..because tommorow i'll be on leave..phew. So i got headache now (as i am typing thisssss) and the pain goes to my left eyes now.like  how you travel?? T_T my brain said i could take tea as a remedy. which is i KNOW will not work. i used to believe 100% on natural remedies. as i grow older, i found out : 1) Natural practise should be done regularly. meaning, you have to take it EVERYDAY BEFORE you fall sick/pain. as they wont work 100% fast and well to combat the pain/virus.its take loooonger times and effort to cure you. but the pain/virus spread faster than ever, remember. 2) Similiar to p...